Have You Ever Lived in a Box?

I woke up one morning during college, slipped on flip-flops, and walked through the freezing cold to the dining hall.  Outside on the steps was a large cardboard box, like those you'd ship a refrigerator in.  Inside was an almost equally large bearded man, a student that I knew by face but not name.  He was imitating a homeless man to bring awareness to their plight. 

Have you ever lived in a box?

Sure you have.  It just wasn't made by cardboard.  It was made from the expectations of others, or those of yourself.  It was made out of the limitations of your worldview, or maybe from a physical disability.  Maybe the box was your theology.  Maybe it was depression.  These boxes stop us from our potential.  They keep us artificially contained. 

Today I'm in a box.  It's constrictive, immobilizing.  It has stopped all forward progress.  With me in this box are all my failures and unachieved goals.  Undone tasks and bitter regrets.  Its walls are clear, and outside it's a sunny day.  My healthy children are running around playing.  My best friend is with me, and she is beautiful as always. 

And my God is there, ever present both outside and in.  I say this not as a cliche, but honestly from a man who is the spiritual twin of Doubting Thomas.  With a certainty born of years of searching, He is here.

But so is my box, and thus far God hasn't shattered it. 

Sometimes we do indeed live in a box, and try as we might we cannot remove it.  Here lately those boxes come less often it seems, and when they are gone I drink in my world, my family, my God.  But still they come.

Few There Be

Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leads to life, and few there be that find it. (Matthew 7:14)

If this statement is true in its traditional sense, it will not be because some subset of Christianity found the correct formula, but rather because in the gathered masses, only a few truly got it.  Lord, please help me to get it.  To get you.  To be a Christian in word and deed.

Personal Productivity Secrets (Spoiler: It's Bacon)

@danielbelltn asked this question on Twitter the other day:

I'd like to know how productive folks do life without workaholic behavior. Any ideas?

I, being the over opinionated person that I am sometimes prone to be, had an answer.

I think strategic prioritization, always moving forward, and knowing when to Not to do something. Not that I do this well :) 

In the interest of posterity, I will leave my "to Not to" grammatical shame intact.  Also, notice my patented (not really) use of self deprecation to emphasize my humility.  It's easy, folks, when you have mad skills like this.

So I clicked "Tweet" and went on doing something else, but kept coming back to my answer and thinking a simple thought.  If I have a legitimate answer to a question I've asked myself, and I think that the way to get where I need to be is to do... Why am I not doing it?

My go to answer is that life happens.  And it does.  Right now life is happening.  I'm writing this blog post (my first in months) at 1:30am, after having cleaned the house at 12am, because life has been happening and it's the best chance I've had.  But at 30, that's not a good enough answer anymore. 

I thought about that answer.  And I thought about it some more.  And several hours later I'm writing about it because it makes sense.  It's doable as a mantra.  For example, I'm fat.  (I know, you think it's all muscle when you look at me.  It's not.  It's really as if someone took a bathtub filled with lard and poured it into my body.  Yeah, that's gross.  So's all the fat I'm carrying around with me.  I digress.)  Since I was at my lowest weight in college (a point where I still wasn't small), I've gained almost 80 pounds.  Let's apply my three points to losing that baggage.

Strategic Prioritization
First things first, I need to stem the tide of overeating and introduce some type of exercise.  I can do without running shoes, go all organic, or drinking whey protein.  What I need to do is not eat a piece of pizza (okay, 2), a sandwich, an oatmeal cream pie, and a honey bun (You can judge me. I give you permission).  And I need to move fast at some point each day.

Always Move Forward
During one of past attempts to lose weight (one that was fairly successful, actually, but died a painful death when stress and depression slapped me silly), I made a goal to make "small choices".  Any healthy choice, no matter how small, was a step toward better health.  Maybe I skip the salt, or park at the back of the parking lot, or eat a Hershey's kiss instead of the Chic-Fil-a vanilla shake (otherwise known as the Cup of YummuliciousneI don't need toss).  The concept is always keep moving toward your goal.  The smallest step is still progress.

Know When to NOT do Something
Okay, so my example is going to break down here.  What I really mean by this is that we have to know when to say "No" to projects and requests to come our way.  I know to lose weight you have to say "No" to food, but the spirit isn't the same me thinks.  So, I'll just leave it at that.

Okay, I'm done.  Go live.

P.S. No, bacon does not actually make an appearance in this blog post.  Except that it just did.  Self-fulfilling prophecy.

Goal! Revised

I've been thirty for one month now.  I looked back on that month today.  I thought about my list of goals (said list is below, as previously seen in a previous blog post that occurred on a previous day where I had previously turned 30).  Here are the goals:

1. Write a Fiction Novel
2. Write a Non-Fiction Book
3. Lose 60 lbs.
4. Build a Website
5. Build a Shed
6. Prepare My Finances to Start My Own Business
7. Build a Business Plan
8. Be a Better CHFG (Christian / Husband / Father / Geek)

Upon further review, I was too ambitious.  I do not think I can properly focus on so many different items.  I'm one month down, and I've not made significant progress on anything besides #8, and that one is almost closer to a mantra than it is a defined goal.  So, I hereby declare the previous list of goals (I also declare myself the King of the word Previous) null and void, and will take my knife out and whittle them down to only 2:

1. Write a Novel
2. Lose 60 lbs.

Those are my two goals for this year of 30.  I am one month down and have some catch up on both of these.  Here's to the best year I've ever had! 

On My Last Day of Twenty

I'm twenty-one tomorrow,
but today I'm twenty.
Divide twenty by twenty,
life by life,
and you get one.
One day, one instant.
One chance to make the proverbial difference.

Mine came,
and went.
It come and goes.
Hollow without action.
Messed up inside yet burning
with passion.
Equal lashings, it seems,
for both failure
and success.
So is it such a blessing
to be blessed?

You would say yes.
You always did.
Your doubts were always hidden away.
A pillar? Yes.
But unshaking?
I doubt it, even though
I couldn't see it.

The rain is rapping its fingers,
lulling me to sleep
with its belladonna touch.
Much like your pillowed arm
beneath a small boy's head.
Or your ever bouncing knee,
that was so often my favorite bed.
I wish those years had lasted longer.
All roses have their thorns.
In my garden it is no different.

James 1:22

But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. ~ James 1:22

But don't - Another admonition is coming.  James isn't letting up.  I wander at his emotions while writing.  Was he worked up, feverishly scratching the pen across the paper as the Spirit brought him words?  That sounds good, so I'll just believe it :).

just listen to God's word - Following up from verse 21, where the word is planted by God in our hearts, here "word" does indeed seem to be Scripture.  I always wonder at passages in the New Testament that reference the "word" or "Word".  What was the writer intending?  Regardless of present day application, was he meaning just the Old Testament, the Old Testament and writings that were already in circulation, or was he prophetically reaching into the future's consolidation of the Canon?  Either way, he's saying that we shouldn't just listen to God's word in the same way my daughter listens when I tell her to go clean her room.  10 minutes later she's still dancing on the ottoman making up a song. 

You must - This is the Holy Bible, and the words "you must" are not negotiable.  Lends some weight to what's coming up.

do what it says - We must do what the word says.  Again, non-negotiable.  The hard and the easy, the good and the, well, not as good (at least to us and our carnal nature).  Jesus said it, "If you love me, obey my commandments."   But even as I look at that immense wall of "I Can't" that accompanies "You must", I feel his Spirit tugging me with, "My grace is sufficient."  Grace is not an excuse for sin, or for lack of effort.  But it is the balm that sooths the weary spirit.  It's the second wind in the race of our lives.  He commands that we must, but he provides that we can.

Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves - I've feared some days that I was running this race in vain.  Paul feared it (Gal 2:2).  James feared it from his audience here.  Let's not fool ourselves.  It brings back to me a song from my early years in the Holiness churches of the East Tennessee mountains:

Guide my feet Lord,
While I run this race.
Oh guide my feet Lord,
While I run this race.
Guide my feet Lord,
While I run this race.
Cause Lord I don't want to run this race in vain.

James 1:21

So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. ~ James (1:20)

So get rid of - I wonder if the people reading the letter were getting a bit anxious here.  He just finished telling them to stop talking so much, listen more, and stop being so angry (or self-passionate).  Now he starts by telling them stuff to get rid of.  I can see the rich man getting a bit nervous...

all the filth - Filthiness, dirtiness, trash, garbage.  Those things that leave us spiritually icky (deep words).  The things that dirty up the temple, crowd God out, keep him from taking his rightful place.  Taking time to be Holy (a phrase we heard this weekend and that Pastor Dan Scott wrote about) is, among so many other things, a process of cleaning the temple.  Sweeping, mopping, and clearing out the filth so that God can fill up the cracks and corners.

and evil - God is beauty, perfection, goodness.  Evil is the carnal perversion of that goodness.  It takes what he wanted us to cherish and butchers it with fleshly desires.  The list of what is filth and what is evil is bound to be subjective, but we can be assured that it isn't God. 

in your lives - Not his life.  Not her life.  Your life.  My life.  Take responsibility for your own temple, Brandon.  It's the only one that God will ever give you.

and humbly - Wow.  In a world of pride, to be humble is a cherished state.  James told us what to get rid of.  He's about to give us something we should take, but first he's setting the stage for how we are to receive.  Definitions for 'humble' (via Dictionary.com, emphasis mine):

1. not proud or arrogant; modest
2. having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience
3. low in rank, importance, status, quality
4. courteously respectful

accept - There is a gift for us to take.  It is up to us to do the taking.

the word God planted in your hearts - Here's what BlueLetterBible had to say about 'word', since I was curious.   There's a lot of possible definitions, but the essence seemed to be what God says.  Maybe that's encompassed by the Old and New Testament.  Maybe it goes beyond to the thoughts and impressions the Holy Spirit brings on us.  Maybe it simply means God himself, which would be intimated by the next line (for salvation comes through Jesus).  This word, God plants in your hearts.  To me, that signifies active intent.  "For it is not God's will that any should perish"  "For I will draw all men" "For God so loved the world"  God is actively interested in planting his word, his seed, his holiness, his essence, inside your heart, inside your soul.

for it has the power to save your souls - Enough said.  But since I'm blessed with a great verbosity, I'll say more.  As a fallen human, we are depraved, corrupt, and perverted.  We are forever seeking a perfection that can never be attained.  But here James is showing us that Jesus (the word God planted in your heart) can make the proverbial beauty from our ashes.