A bedtime story I told my son tonight:
Robert was just like any other 7 year old. He played video games, ran in the yard, swam
in the pool. He liked pizza and going to
the movies, just like other kids his age.
He was a normal boy. Except… he
was also a super hero. While he was Robert
most of the time, when duty called he became Super R. Along with his brother, sister, and parents,
they were the Super Family.
Robert’s powers began to emerge when he was just a
baby. One day while playing in the
sandbox, Robert had accidentally encased himself in glass from the waist down
by blasting it with fire out of his right hand.
Later that same week, he was playing in the bathtub when he shot ice out
of his left hand and froze all the water, including what was in the pipes. It took his parents a LOT of money to fix all
of them. So, his parents, who were also
super heroes, were very proud to have a baby with fire and ice in his hands. They thought that was the end of it until, on
Christmas day, Robert wandered into the fireplace (it wasn’t used anymore for
actual fires) and was acting like Santa Clause when he suddenly shot straight
up into the sky.
His parents panicked and ran outside, only to see Robert
climbing fast into the air. His dad
grabbed his Automated Whirlygig Hat from the coat rack, put it on, and zoomed
into the sky to bring him back. From
that day on he had to wear the crazy hat everywhere. If you thought a normal toddler was hard to
keep up with, just imagine what it’d be like having to fly after one that could
freeze and burn things.
One day, disguised as Super R, he was patrolling the Rocky
Mountains for Super Villain activity. He
was following an old railroad that wound its way across the mountains. It’d been a pretty uneventful day until he
noticed a train car sitting on the tracks.
There was nothing very strange about the car, if you ignore the fact
that it looked like a giant monster had chewed it up and spit it back out! Robert flew in closer to investigate. Nearby, a large cave sank into the depths of
the mountain. It was so deep that the
bright sunlight couldn’t penetrate the complete darkness that Robert could
see. Robert knew that something had
mangled the train car, and being the smart boy that he was figured there was at
least a good chance that the something lived in the cave. He walked quietly up to the mouth of the
cave. Both hanging from the roof and
coming up from the ground were large, whitish stalactites and stalagmites. As he was looking into the cave, thinking
that it’s probably time to call for backup from the rest of the family, Robert
felt the ground rumble. Gently at first
but then suddenly so violently that he couldn’t stand and had to lift off the
ground. Before his eyes the entire cave
rose into the sky. The stalactites and
mites closed together and the cave reshaped itself into what looked like a
smile. Robert was so astonished that he
didn’t notice the two eyes, each as big as big as a house.
When he did notice them, he realized that the ‘cave’ wasn’t
a cave at all, but the mouth of the biggest monster he had ever seen. The beast opened his mouth again and bellowed
a roar. The sound was so massively loud
that for a moment Robert blacked out (or maybe it was the creature’s bad breath
that did it).
He woke a few seconds later, just before he would have hit
the ground, and flew back into the air. Robert
watched the monster, warily. He assumed
from the roar that it was hostile, but didn’t want to start firing his hands at
it without knowing for sure. Just then,
it hit him.
Have you ever been hit by the hand of a giant rock
monster? No? It’s not a pleasant thing. Nor is hitting the ground afterwards. Nor is the bad breath, which I’ve mentioned
already, of the creature as it roared in triumph.
Robert, who had flown away from the hit just at the right
time, landed hard but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. He stood up, looked the giant straight in the
eye (well, the knee cap, because his eyes were very high up) and yelled,
“Jumping monkeys call over the moon with a cow!” It seems our hero was shaken up a bit by his
fall. However, he still knew how to use
his powers and he fired fire at one foot and ice at the other. Both had the desired effect. The giant roared in pain trying to grab both
feet. Considering that you can’t pick up
both feet and remain standing, the giant fell to the ground. Robert was airborne, so the huge shockwave
from the giant’s fall didn’t affect him.
Instead, he flew at the monster’s head and fired both hands. Again, fire went to one eye and ice to the
other. And again, the monster screamed
in pain.
“Stttttoooooooooooopppppppp!” the creature yelled. Robert, who’d been about to fire again,
stopped. The giant rolled to its side,
still in pain. “Why you hurt me?” it
asked. Robert was dumbfounded. He flew up the giant’s ear and yelled,
“Because you hit me!” he said as loud as he could. To the giant, it still sounded like an ant
trying to talk, but he could make out the words.
“I no hit you. I want
to play. My brother show me how do that
a long time ago,” he said.
“Oh,” yelled Robert.
“I didn’t know.” Though even as Robert
was saying the words the giant was settling back to the ground. As quick as it had woke, the giant was now
fast asleep once again, it’s mouth open in the shape of a large cave.
Robert traveled to the nearest railroad station to let them
know what he found and that the railroad over that pass should be avoided, then
went home to his family, where his Mom was fixing him Mac and Cheese.
My eldest son is awesome. He proved that once again by building this Lego (Trademark or Registered or some other symbol here) Hot-Air Balloon. The only negative of his creations are the piles of Legos that cover his floor when he's finished. Somehow they never manage to get off the floor until certain parental powers come to bare on him.
