On My Last Day of Twenty

I'm twenty-one tomorrow,
but today I'm twenty.
Divide twenty by twenty,
life by life,
and you get one.
One day, one instant.
One chance to make the proverbial difference.

Mine came,
and went.
It come and goes.
Hollow without action.
Messed up inside yet burning
with passion.
Equal lashings, it seems,
for both failure
and success.
So is it such a blessing
to be blessed?

You would say yes.
You always did.
Your doubts were always hidden away.
A pillar? Yes.
But unshaking?
I doubt it, even though
I couldn't see it.

The rain is rapping its fingers,
lulling me to sleep
with its belladonna touch.
Much like your pillowed arm
beneath a small boy's head.
Or your ever bouncing knee,
that was so often my favorite bed.
I wish those years had lasted longer.
All roses have their thorns.
In my garden it is no different.