Super R and the Twisted Railroad Car

A bedtime story I told my son tonight:

Robert was just like any other 7 year old.  He played video games, ran in the yard, swam in the pool.  He liked pizza and going to the movies, just like other kids his age.  He was a normal boy.  Except… he was also a super hero.  While he was Robert most of the time, when duty called he became Super R.  Along with his brother, sister, and parents, they were the Super Family.

Robert’s powers began to emerge when he was just a baby.  One day while playing in the sandbox, Robert had accidentally encased himself in glass from the waist down by blasting it with fire out of his right hand.  Later that same week, he was playing in the bathtub when he shot ice out of his left hand and froze all the water, including what was in the pipes.  It took his parents a LOT of money to fix all of them.  So, his parents, who were also super heroes, were very proud to have a baby with fire and ice in his hands.  They thought that was the end of it until, on Christmas day, Robert wandered into the fireplace (it wasn’t used anymore for actual fires) and was acting like Santa Clause when he suddenly shot straight up into the sky.

His parents panicked and ran outside, only to see Robert climbing fast into the air.  His dad grabbed his Automated Whirlygig Hat from the coat rack, put it on, and zoomed into the sky to bring him back.  From that day on he had to wear the crazy hat everywhere.  If you thought a normal toddler was hard to keep up with, just imagine what it’d be like having to fly after one that could freeze and burn things.

One day, disguised as Super R, he was patrolling the Rocky Mountains for Super Villain activity.  He was following an old railroad that wound its way across the mountains.  It’d been a pretty uneventful day until he noticed a train car sitting on the tracks.  There was nothing very strange about the car, if you ignore the fact that it looked like a giant monster had chewed it up and spit it back out!  Robert flew in closer to investigate.  Nearby, a large cave sank into the depths of the mountain.  It was so deep that the bright sunlight couldn’t penetrate the complete darkness that Robert could see.  Robert knew that something had mangled the train car, and being the smart boy that he was figured there was at least a good chance that the something lived in the cave.  He walked quietly up to the mouth of the cave.  Both hanging from the roof and coming up from the ground were large, whitish stalactites and stalagmites.  As he was looking into the cave, thinking that it’s probably time to call for backup from the rest of the family, Robert felt the ground rumble.  Gently at first but then suddenly so violently that he couldn’t stand and had to lift off the ground.  Before his eyes the entire cave rose into the sky.  The stalactites and mites closed together and the cave reshaped itself into what looked like a smile.  Robert was so astonished that he didn’t notice the two eyes, each as big as big as a house. 

When he did notice them, he realized that the ‘cave’ wasn’t a cave at all, but the mouth of the biggest monster he had ever seen.  The beast opened his mouth again and bellowed a roar.  The sound was so massively loud that for a moment Robert blacked out (or maybe it was the creature’s bad breath that did it).

He woke a few seconds later, just before he would have hit the ground, and flew back into the air.  Robert watched the monster, warily.  He assumed from the roar that it was hostile, but didn’t want to start firing his hands at it without knowing for sure.  Just then, it hit him.

Have you ever been hit by the hand of a giant rock monster?  No?  It’s not a pleasant thing.  Nor is hitting the ground afterwards.  Nor is the bad breath, which I’ve mentioned already, of the creature as it roared in triumph.

Robert, who had flown away from the hit just at the right time, landed hard but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  He stood up, looked the giant straight in the eye (well, the knee cap, because his eyes were very high up) and yelled, “Jumping monkeys call over the moon with a cow!”  It seems our hero was shaken up a bit by his fall.  However, he still knew how to use his powers and he fired fire at one foot and ice at the other.  Both had the desired effect.  The giant roared in pain trying to grab both feet.  Considering that you can’t pick up both feet and remain standing, the giant fell to the ground.  Robert was airborne, so the huge shockwave from the giant’s fall didn’t affect him.  Instead, he flew at the monster’s head and fired both hands.  Again, fire went to one eye and ice to the other.  And again, the monster screamed in pain.

“Stttttoooooooooooopppppppp!” the creature yelled.  Robert, who’d been about to fire again, stopped.  The giant rolled to its side, still in pain.  “Why you hurt me?” it asked.  Robert was dumbfounded.  He flew up the giant’s ear and yelled, “Because you hit me!” he said as loud as he could.  To the giant, it still sounded like an ant trying to talk, but he could make out the words.

“I no hit you.  I want to play.  My brother show me how do that a long time ago,” he said. 

“Oh,” yelled Robert.  “I didn’t know.”  Though even as Robert was saying the words the giant was settling back to the ground.  As quick as it had woke, the giant was now fast asleep once again, it’s mouth open in the shape of a large cave.

Robert traveled to the nearest railroad station to let them know what he found and that the railroad over that pass should be avoided, then went home to his family, where his Mom was fixing him Mac and Cheese.